On Ice

Perks of having a friend on a hockey team is that it gives you an opportunity to take some photos of players live in action. I recently got to do so this past weekend. Below you'll find my favorite shots.

Goodbye 18, Hello 19

When I look back on the past year, I have a lot of things to smile about. And like any year, I have some not-so-happy moments... but this year was different compared to any other. It was both one of the happiest and hardest years of my life. As this new year for the world, and new year of my life begins as I turn 19 today, I wanted to write a reflection on everything that's occurred these past 365 days - think of it as a way to preserve the memories, but also as a way to inspire everyone who reads this to live every year like this, because I certainly know I wish I did before.

Being a January 4th baby, as the new year is just beginning, I'm turning another year older. Like most teenagers, I couldn't wait to turn 18, so when 2016 rolled around, all of the "legal" jokes came and went, but I had lots of things planned: graduation, a trip to Florida, another trip to Florida, a week away with friends, and ultimately, my first semester of college. 

The end of senior year was a lot of fun. Not having to worry about that much work, getting to hang out with friends, and having more freedom were some of the best parts about it. I was never the biggest fan of high school, but I still relished the few months I had left seeing my friend's every single day and spending every morning with my Period A study crew. 

In February, I took a weekend trip down to Florida to see the Mets during Spring Training. It was easily one of the best weekends of my life. From meeting players to chatting with reporters, it was such a great experience that I'm hoping to maybe do again this year. I've already done a blogpost on that story, so you can go ahead and check that out here if you'd like.

During those first few months of the year, I was also making my choice as to which college I would end up at. For a while, I thought I would be going to Fairfield University in Connecticut, but as I write this, I find myself at Hofstra University on Long Island. I didn't want to see other colleges after seeing Fairfield first, but my mom and dad convinced me to visit the others on my list just to be sure, so I did. I got to take a short trip to D.C. to visit two other schools on my list, as well as cross Nationals Park off my list of baseball stadiums to visit. After seeing some other schools as well, Hofstra was the last one I planned to visit. You know that feeling you get when you walk around a campus and realize it's your new home? I never believed it was an actual thing. I thought of it as a cliché and I still kinda consider it to be one when I think about it, but after touring Hofstra's campus, I knew I belonged there. 

Eventually, the end of senior year came around. I got to go to Disney World for a weekend with my best friends (minus two because they didn't go to our school and it was a senior trip) and it was a blast. I made a video of that weekend, which you can check out here. After our senior trip was complete, I graduated high school and enjoyed prom with my friends, which were both fun days that culminated my high school career.

My favorite part about finishing senior year was the week I got to spend with my friends in Point Pleasant. That week was one of the most fun weeks I've ever had. We had a house to ourselves, were right on the beach, and got to enjoy the summer weather every single day on the boardwalk or by the ocean. It was a complete week of relaxation and an extremely fun way to start the summer with so many memories made. These girls know how much they mean to me and I'm sure they're tired of me saying how much I love them, but I truly couldn't have picked a better group of people to spend that week with. I also made a video for that vacation, which you can check out here.

A few weeks later in mid-July I took a weekend trip with one of my friends and her mom to see the Mets play at Citizen's Bank Park against the Phillies. It was an eventful weekend of befriending staff members from the Mets, radio broadcaster Ed Coleman (who we spent hours on end talking to at night and who also gave me some advice on pursuing my career in journalism), sitting front row behind the dugout after a misunderstanding (thanks Kelly), and meeting some more players... oh and getting to try Insomnia cookies for the first time, which are delicious. I got to cross another baseball stadium off the list and had a pretty great time in Philly, though we didn't get to explore the "must see" spots that much, so one day I'd like to go back and do so.

I also met someone who has become one of my closest friends in July, and someone who has made the last few months some of the most adventurous I've ever had. From hiking to the highpoint of a mountain where I live and getting lost quite a few times on the trail to taking spontaneous trips to get ice-cream under the Brooklyn Bridge or making s'mores over a fire we made, I owe a lot of the fun I've had the past few months to him, and he knows it, but he really is one of the most entertaining and fun people I've ever met.

After going to the Subway Series with a group of friends in August, visiting Madame Tussauds, and spending those last summer nights with my best friends (one of which was dedicated to being a "minion party"), September was rolling around quickly, and that meant it was time to head off to our chosen colleges. It wasn't easy leaving them, but we all knew we'd see each other again soon enough.

So, during the first week of September I moved into my dorm room and got to start a new chapter of my life. College has been a blast. I've met lots of great people and I've also been able to do what I love. From the very beginning of my first semester, I was writing for the sports section of my school's paper, writing recaps of soccer games, and getting to interview players and coaches post-game. I got to write an article on the state of the volleyball team midseason and also wrote a feature on one of the key defensive players at my school who's graduating soon. A story I wrote for my journalism class was also published in the news section. Getting that hands on experience only made me more excited about what was to come in the future. I also got to photograph a friend's hockey team during one of their games, which I've never done before. Hockey's a fast sport and getting some nice shots made me feel very accomplished. All of these things also gave me more experience and I can't wait to continue doing so during my second semester.

Unfortunately, my first semester of college came with some tough times, too. While yes, this past year was probably one of the most fun I've ever had, the last two months or so were also two of the hardest months of my life. Losing my Nonna was unexpected and extremely difficult to go through. You can read more in depth about what happened here. That time period was tough, and some days are still very hard, but I'm so glad I got to know her as long as I did. I just wish it could have been longer. Having the amazing friends and family I have was one of the most important things during that time. I can't thank them enough for the support they providing, or for spending the day with me to take my mind off of things, or for just listening when I needed someone to talk things out to. I'm incredibly lucky to have people like them in my life.

With the new year, as everyone says goodbye to 2016 and hello to 2017, I'm saying goodbye to one of the best years of my life, but also one that caused me to face challenges and some very difficult days. I found myself living in the moment, taking risks, and going on spontaneous adventures that only led to finding out more about myself more than I ever have, and I encourage you all to do the same in 2017. I can't wait to see what 19 has in store for me, but I know that I'll continue seeking adventure, enjoying as many moments as possible, and making memories, because yes, some things you can't control in life, but ultimately you create your own happiness by doing the things that you love.

Have a fantastic 2017 and I hope it is as great a year as you hope it to be. xoxo

In Mourning // 11.10.16

Sometimes, life presents you with situations that are incredibly hard and tragic to deal with, but you must find the light to push through them. This post is the most personal I have ever gotten in my writing on this blog, but after some thought, I decided that it was extremely important to me to share it. 

Let's begin the story several months ago. My Nonna and I sat in her kitchen and I was talking to her in Italian. She loved whenever I broke out all of the things I've learned throughout my five years of Italian classes to speak to her. You see, growing up around the language, I learned a lot, but could never speak it on my own. I was eventually able to understand everything that was being said (which meant my mom and Nonna couldn't hide things from me anymore haha), so now being able to put a smile on her face by speaking her native language back to her made me feel so happy. 

I went away to college in September, so any visit or phone call with her brought me back home for even just a little while. 

She had fallen ill after I left for school and at first, it was believed to be a stomach virus or cold of some sort. Once she recovered, she still had no appetite and wasn't eating. This posed concerns for her doctor, who admitted her to the hospital for testing. I remember my dad calling me to let me know what was going on, and after having a rough day to begin with, the news was even harder to swallow. I know that just because someone is admitted to the hospital doesn't mean that you're going to get bad news and I wish that it was the case this time, but it wasn't. 

All I was told was that my Nonna would be staying at my house and that she was sick. I wasn't told the specifics until I had stopped home with my friends after taking a drive to go pumpkin & apple picking. It was on that day, at the end of October, that I found out my Nonna had been diagnosed with stomach cancer. 

Tests still needed to be run in order to find out what stage at this point. She was still talkative, but tired, and seeing her for a few moments, and having her meet my friends, brightened her face. 

I had to return to school that night, and being that it was Halloween weekend, was able to get my mind off of what was happening back at home, even if it was just for a little while. I was grateful to be able to talk to some of my closest friends and just say what was on my mind. I completely let down any wall of strength I put up and cried. 

It was difficult. I became somewhat distant with my group of friends at school and I was aware of it, but all I could do was apologize. They understood why I was. 

As days went by, I spoke to my mom and dad everyday and everyday I'd ask the same question, "What stage is it?" I needed to know all of the information I could possibly find out because that's how I am as a person, yet everyday my mom would say it wasn't good, but they were seeing what they could do. 

I hadn't intended to go home that following weekend originally, but my family thought it would be a good idea, so I did. The first question I asked when I got in the car was the same as I had been asking all week. My dad told me that it was Stage IV stomach cancer that had spread to her liver and was also pressing on her spine. I knew it was bad, I just never thought I would actually hear the words that would let me know just how bad it actually was. 

Going home wasn't easy. The first night I was back, she was already asleep and I didn't get to see her. My own curiosity and need for information got the better of me and I looked up everything I could find about Stage IV stomach cancer. It has a 4% survival rate, and at that point, I completely broke down, but I didn't let anyone around me see it. The following day, I saw her in the morning and the difference from only a week prior to then was drastic. She was weak, couldn't walk, and it pained her to talk. 

I had to run an errand, so I was out of the house that afternoon for a little while and when I returned, there was a nurse running through the procedural questions with my family: "Would you like life support?"; "If and when your heart stops beating, would you like us to perform CPR?" 

I couldn't handle it. I saw one of the strongest and most independent women I know become entirely dependent on those around her. It made me upset and angry because it wasn't fair. I told my mom and dad I was going out for a little while and met up with one of my friends at home. We bought candy, ordered pizza, and watched movies. Those few hours were exactly what I needed and they took away the anxiety I felt from being at home. 

I spent the next day with my family. My cousins and I went to brunch, which was good for all of us, and we spent the day by my Nonna's side, making Halloween crafts despite the fact that the holiday had already passed. It put a smile on her face and at that point, it didn't matter if the holiday had passed, we knew we had accomplished our goal. 

That night, two of my friends were back from college for the weekend and I got to see them, which made me so happy. I started crying when I saw them. They gave me the biggest hugs and after an intense day, it allowed me to take a deep breath and focus on spending time with them. 

I felt guilty that I had the escape of being at school, while my younger sister was at home and had to experience these difficult days over and over again. I wanted to get her out of the house, so I took her shopping and we bought plenty of clothes for the upcoming fall and winter chill. We met one of my friends for lunch, and I'm so glad we did because he had my sister laughing so much - something I hadn't really heard since I returned home. She's the sarcastic jokester of the family, so to hear her laugh meant the world. 

Even over the course of the three days I was home, I could see how things progressively worsened each and every day. I didn't want to be home because the circumstances made me upset, but I also didn't want to be at school in fear of missing out on what little time I'd have left with my Nonna. It quickly became a realization that the hug and kiss goodbye I gave her may very well be the last time I ever got to do so. 

Focusing on school became a way to take my mind off of things, but things were still difficult. For some reason, on November 10th, I woke up around 4 a.m., entirely on my own. I checked my phone, and nothing came up on the screen, but then it started ringing. It was a call from my dad informing me that my Nonna, the greatest person I've ever known, had passed away. She went peacefully in her sleep and was no longer experiencing the pain and suffering that came along with battling the monster that is cancer. 

I had a bag packed already with any clothes I knew I would definitely need, and then threw the rest of my things inside as well. Luckily, my school isn't far from home, and my dad came to pick me up. It just didn't feel real. 

You don't realize the power love has until you're in the presence of it to such an extreme. A hug can change everything. Being with family was in itself a powerful thing. I hurt, my sister hurt, my cousins hurt, my mom hurt, my dad hurt, my uncles hurt, my aunt hurt, and we all shared in this pain together. 

And that's the way things happened, but that's not what this post is meant to be about. It's not about the suffering she went through. It's not about how quickly things happened. It's about the person she was and the person she will always be with each and every one of us in my family.

My Nonna was the best cook, and I gained that love and passion for cooking from her. Whenever I'd go over her house, she'd want to make something, whether I was hungry or not. She made a killer lasagna. No one could ever replicate it. I've never tried, but I plan to in the near future. I only hope mine can come out as good as hers. I remember countless times of going over her house, it being just her and I, and deciding that I would be the chef that day. I'd use whatever ingredients she had in her fridge to pull something together for the both of us. I particularly remember making shrimp in her kitchen one day. She trusted little me to use the stove all on my own. I had absolutely no idea what I was going to do with the shrimp, but it was the only thing she had to cook with, and she always encouraged me to experiment. I threw some spices together, probably using any information I'd ever learned from watching Food Network, and cooked us a meal. She loved it and when my mom came to get me, she told her all about it. That love for cooking is something that comes from her, and it'll always be a part of me. 

Another memory that I'm often told about and remember faintly occurred when I was almost four. My Nonna took a wrong step and broke her ankle. She had to have surgery to fix it, putting in screws to keep it all together. My mom couldn't bear to look at the incision they made. It gave her the chills. Yet, four-year old me wasn't bothered by it. Every single day I'd go to her house and clean it for her, and it's something that she spoke about year after year. She would always say how brave I was for doing that, and it's still one of my favorite stories to this day, even though I don't remember it as much as I would like. 

I remember spending afternoons on the porch that sat above her garage. 

I remember watching TV with her in her living room and asking her all about the Italian game shows she watched. 

I remember her singing to me as a child and her teaching me how to play Cat's Cradle. 

During the holidays, my Nonna's house was the place to be growing up. My cousins and I would have the best time together with our family. We became our own version of playwrights in the basement bathroom of the house. Each occasion, we'd plan what show we would do. Usually, they'd repeat, but we were always creative in the way we performed. For instance, one time, we built a box out of the foam puzzle mats and had my cousin Anthony hide inside for our production of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. He was playing Santa Clause and our family loved it. Whether it be a Christmas-themed show, random little skit, or a series of songs that we all performed together with choreography, all of the ideas we had came to life in our office of a bathroom. In the end, they were always worth it because they brought a smile to our family's face, especially my Nonna's. 

She was one of the most generous people I've ever known, and she was so proud of myself, my sister, and my cousins. Every time we saw her, she'd find some reason to give us money or buy us lunch/dinner. "Prendi questi soldi per la scuola," (Take this money for school) she would say. Or, "Vai a pranzo con i amici" (Go to lunch with your friends). She'd never let my mom pay when we went out and I remember the many many times where they'd "argue" over who paid the bill because my Nonna always wanted to pay. I still don't know where she hid the money tree, haha. 

Everyone always looked forward to having her call on their birthdays and she was usually always the first. You'd pick up the phone and she'd start singing "Happy Birthday," or rather "Happy boyt-day," which is how she would pronounce it with her Italian accent. It would always make us smile and laugh. 

There wasn't a single bad bone in her body, and after losing my Nonno, her husband, whom I never had the opportunity to meet, she stayed strong and pushed through each and everyday. She was independent, went for walks, cooked fantastic food, and cared for her family with her entire heart. She traveled from her home country of Italy to live in the United States for love. She is and will always be an inspiration to me. 

Death never comes as an easy event to experience. This is the first time it has truly hit me directly and I didn't know how I would react. For myself, I found that I was in a limbo between shock and numbness. It made me question things, but I ultimately realized that while my mind was pondering the "What ifs" or thinking about what wouldn't happen anymore, I lost ground in the present moment, and that's where I needed to be most. I'm so glad I was able to spend time with her before she passed, I only wish I had more, but being able to tell her that I loved her, and having her tell me how much she loved me, is something I am eternally grateful for. 

My Nonna was one of the greatest people I've ever met. She always encouraged me to pursue anything I dreamed and to always continue my Italian. I'm sad because I wish I had her around longer, but I'm so happy that I have so many memories of her to keep with me. She's always going to be with me and has been such an influential part of my life. And November 11th is the anniversary of her and my Nonno, so she's with him now to celebrate and that thought in itself is comforting. She's with her family that has passed before her in whatever world exists beyond this life. 

Knowing how proud she was of me and where I am in my life right now fills me with warmth. She filled my life with so much love. She inspired me to be the best person I can be. She was my bright light that I will continue to carry with me each and every day and I only hope to continue to make her proud in all that I hope to accomplish.  

The Walking Dead Season 7 Premiere Reaction

So, the night finally arrived. The Walking Dead season 7 premiere has aired and if you haven't watched it yet, stop reading. No, seriously, if you haven't watched yet, STOP. This post will contain spoilers. All of the anxiety has built up to this moment.

I had my theory: Abraham would be the one to get the bat. It was time to find out how accurate that theory was.

Just like the way the finale ended, the beginning of the premiere only brought about more anxiety. "Who got the bat? Tell us already!" Lots of people in my dorm house got together to watch the episode together, and those were our words during the first commercial break.

But before we would find out who was killed, Rick would go on a little journey with Negan in the RV. The suspense only built as you got an insight look into Rick's thoughts, seeings members of his group as Negan stood in front of them before a brief flashback of events that have occurred throughout their journey.

The most emotional moment we've ever seen Rick have is in this very scene, as well. Actually, probably the entire episode is by far the most emotional we've ever seen Rick. As each character flashes onto the screen one-by-one, you see it take a toll on him a little bit more, until he ultimately breaks down on the roof of the RV after amusing Negan and escaping a group of walkers.

And then we finally get the scene. And if you thought it was brutal the first time watching it, it's even worse the second time around. It is indeed Abraham who gets the bat... at least at first. The scene itself was brutal and graphic as everyone looked on to see one of their own completely beaten to bits. Take a deep breath, that's the only death we had to worry about, right? If only. What was more surprising was what happened next.

Daryl's reaction to Abraham's death was to get up and punch Negan and that wasn't to be dealt with by him. As punishment for it, another person gets the bat, and this time, it is the one character everyone hoped it would never be: Glenn. In an incredibly quick manner, the show took everyone from a sigh of relief to instant horror. Not to mention, yet again, how brutal the scene was graphically. They didn't hold back one bit with showing the terror Lucille does. This one even more so than when Abraham was hit as Glenn's face is shown bloody, his eye bulging out. Maggie's reaction and Glenn's ability to somehow say a few final words to her, "Maggie, I'll find you," only upped the emotional level.

What'll be interesting to see is how Daryl is impacted by the guilt of Glenn dying as a result of him stepping out of line. Is it going to eat away at him or is he going to channel it into his revenge? Or, maybe it'll be a little bit of both. I'm looking forward to seeing how his character develops as a result of this very moment.

And then there was the whole subject of Rick's hand. After the first clip as released prior to the premiere, everyone was pretty convinced he would be losing his hand like in the comics. Suspense was a prominent theme of the episode. Everyone was waiting for the moment when Negan would cut Rick's hand off, but when Negan called Carl out to the center of the circle and drew a line on his arm before telling Rick to chop his own son's arm off, the entire game changed. Luckily, Rick doesn't actually have to do it because it was a test to show Rick who he answers to and who he provides for, but the scene was insane. Hell, the entire episode was insane. And Andrew Lincoln is absolutely incredible. We've never seen Rick in this sort of state: pure terror, completely destroyed, and absolutely no idea what to do. Andrew Lincoln aces every emotion and so does the rest of the cast.

If everything wasn't bad enough already, they had to show a scene of what it would be like if everyone lived happily ever after, which was the life Rick began to picture for his group before Negan entered the picture. As soon as I saw Glenn with the baby, the emotions hit harder. We'll never be seeing that family exist and that fact is heartbreaking.

While we see Maggie's reaction to Glenn being killed as it is occurring, her emotions are shown the most at the end of the episode when she insists on being left alone to go to the Hilltop and take Glenn's body with her as she's in an incredibly weak state. The entire group sticks by her and no matter how many times she tells them to leave her, they stick by her side. The brutality of the events leaves everyone leaning on each other.

When the cast said the episode was probably the most emotional episode they've ever shot, they weren't wrong. The episode was draining, yet still fantastic to watch. I couldn't help but admire how it was filmed and the sequence of scenes we were given. The writing was outstanding, as was the acting. It deserves to be an award-winning episode. It was the lowest we've ever seen some characters, like Rick and Maggie, but it's going to be even better once we see them rise again, assuming they do, eventually. (Which, I'm sure they will.)

Negan is not messing around and he's made quite the first impression of himself. The brutality of his actions and his nature is horrifying, yet so intriguing and with him as the villain, it's going to be one helluva season.

And with that, Abraham and Glenn join those we've lost and those the group continues to fight for in memory. I can't wait to see what this season brings beyond this point, but let's just hope that we won't be losing any other major characters...

Who am I kidding? This is The Walking Dead we're talking about.

The Last Dance

Back in June my friends and I took on one last high school event together: prom. Here are some of my favorite photos from that day... enjoy!

  

Mets Spring Training 2016

A few of my favorite shots from Spring Training '16... enjoy!